I am trying to stop greeting people by saying, “Hi, how are you?” It has become such a trope, hasn’t it? For one thing, people are not going to tell you how they really are. And most of us don’t really want to know how another person is doing. We say it, and then we basically don’t stick around for the answer—physically, energetically, or emotionally.

It’s not that I don’t care how people are doing. But generally speaking, the times when I might casually ask “How are you?” are not really the best times for people to tell me how they truly are. So, by asking during a casual greeting, I am essentially requesting them to lie, or at least not be truthful, and instead they are compelled to say “Great,” even if they are falling apart inside.

And now, I really want to know: Are you falling apart inside? This time of year is not easy for many. We feel like we have to go around with big smiles on our faces, post about all the amazing things we are doing for the holidays, and pretend we’re as happy as we’re expected to be. Even if we are falling apart.
I was fortunate to hear Oriah Mountain Dreamer read her poem called The Invitation in person. It has stayed with me for decades. I have read it in classes many times, and each time I think, “YES! This is how to show up.” So, I offer it again to everyone who is reading this, so you know that you don’t have to show up “Great.” Your showing up as you really are makes it possible for me to show up as I really am too. I will thank you for that. I will thank you for letting me have a crappy day if it is my turn. I will thank you for allowing me to have an amazing day if it’s my turn. And if I tell you how I’m doing—if you are asking for real—you can trust that my answer will be honest. Let’s either ask for real, or not ask at all. Well, at least that is what I am attempting to do. (I will admit, it is not so easy to remember… )

And by the way, if you are falling apart inside- get outside, reach out to someone, either to ask for help or to offer help. Both will work. Join a community where the energy of the group is uplifting, because you will rise with that. It’s not selfish, it is part of the thing the community is there for.
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You are worthy, you do deserve it, you will add to it. Even if it happens to be your turn to have a crappy day.

I heard 2 incredible things this week that support this idea that we are so very connected to each other.

First, psychologist and emotions researcher Amit Goldenberg shared a powerful insight: when it comes to helping individuals manage reactive emotions, psycologists are approaching it backward. Instead of focusing on individual emotions, Goldenberg suggests we should examine collective emotions and suggests that’s where real change and regulation can happen.

His research shows that we rarely experience strong emotions on our own. Instead, emotions are amplified when shared within a group. In those collective settings, we often “activate” each other, leading to emotional cascades—where feelings snowball and grow stronger.

What does this mean for us and our contribution to society? For me, it clicked on a spiritual level: your individual state of mind and heart truly matters on a macro level. Each of us is either adding to positive energy in the world—or contributing to negative energy—and we’re all deeply influenced by the collective emotional states that we are surrounded by.

The yogis have been saying this for thousands of years: Be the change you want to see. They also say don't trust your mind.

The second profound thing came from my teacher. She was speaking about experiencing ourselves as part of the whole. Someone asked how to do that, and her answer was beautifully simple:
Focus on your finger. Notice it fully. But now, expand your awareness to include the rest of your body. You’re focusing on one part, yet you’re still aware of the whole. Your finger is just one small part of your whole body. You can hold both perspectives at the same time. (Go ahead, try it, it is a very cool experience!). 

In the same way, we can focus on our individual self (our finger) while remaining connected to the greater Self—the universe (our body). Non of us believe we are just a finger, we know our finger is part of something greater. What our finger does, or doesn't do, is going to affect the rest of the body.

Both of these concepts circle back to the yogic wisdom that we are not separate. What happens to you happens to me, and what happens to me happens to all. This isn’t just something to understand intellectually—it’s something we must know, deep in our being.

Getting to that place of knowing takes time, practice, and patience. But in the meantime, we can look for the moments when we already feel it:

• When we experience empathy for someone’s suffering.
• When we feel joy over someone victory.
  
  

We can also explore what blocks us from feeling that connection. It might seem like it’s just a lack of direct relationship or understanding, but don’t jump to conclusions too quickly. There might be more to it than that. We are after all encoded with the ignorance that tells us we are seperate, and we must protect our self-interest at all costs. This will show up differently for each individual, and for those of us who want to drop the veil of that ignorance, we need to see it each and every time it arises.

Now more than ever, we need to recognize that we’re all in this together. We’re all having ups and downs, joys and sufferings, and that is influencing the whole, just as we are being influenced by the collective. The more we see that, the less we can take it “personally.” In doing so, we reduce the pollution of individual identities and create space for collective harmony.