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Listening:
 
That is what I have been doing these past 2 weeks, listening, reading and learning about the injustices that have led to the protests happening now.  There is change approaching, and it is time to listen to the people who are leading the way, and to investigate where we personally stand and what action we are willing and able to take to assist that change.  I am heartened by the protests and regret I have not been able to attend more of them.  There was an absolutely beautiful vigil in Frenchtown this Saturday, hopefully one of many, and if you missed it you can still view it on Facebook.  
 
The Yoga Sutras is always a relevant teacher, and it outlines the way we can approach taking our place in this movement: Effort and discipline, (Tapas)  self-study  (Swadhyaya) and surrender  (Ishvara Pranidhana) leads to higher consciousness.   (YS 2:1)
 
We see so much effort going into the protests and demonstrations now, and we need to appreciate and acknowledge the efforts that have been going on by organizations, such as Black Lives Matter, for years. There is a lot of work being done to try to shift broad understanding and educate those in power, while standing strong in the face of oblivion, retaliation, and denial. The practice of looking into my own ignorance falls into the practice of Tapasia (Tapas), because to stay on the course of finding truth rather than ​default to ​the answer that keeps things OK and familiar is hard and uncomfortable, and it does take discipline to approach those uncomfortable places again and again.  Another discipline​ is​ to stay in contact with sources that educate​- ​this takes​ a surprising amount of time, and it takes​ time away from  things​ one might rather be doing​​. It takes discernment ​to figure out what is education and what is inflammatory.  Discernment is an outcome of touching a level of inner quiet that requires quite a lot of practice. Staying current and awake, present and aware, requires discipline​ and consistent practice over a long period of time (YS 1:12 and 1:14)​​​   
 
Swadhyaya (self-study) has many parts- one of them being to listen to our internal dialogue and the conversations around us. To really listen, without "hearing" what you think should be said, or what you want to have been said is not easy.  It is often uncomfortable to hear what people are really saying, especially if we have missed it before.  That is how I feel now, uncomfortable because I did not previously "hear" the inequality happening, particularly in regard to law enforcement.  Now, after 2 weeks of protests and demonstrations and lists of hashtags dedicated to people who have lost their lives due to their skin color, I can't understand how I missed the injustice, the pain, the anger, the fear and the frustration of so many.  Believing myself to be a person who has good intentions ​and an open mind ​is just not enough. ​ I have to also recognize and confront the places in me that are similar to the places that are so repugnant in the people and institutions I find unjust. We all have those seeds of hate and cruelty, it comes with a human body.  We may not be actively watering them and nurturing them on a large scale, but whenever we feed them, just a tiny bit, we add to the matrix of hate, oppression and fear.  And to stay in the place of self-inquiry without going into shame or guilt is important as those two directions are just distractions and will not serve anything other than more self-absorption. So I have to watch that I don't take my discomfort over my blindness and feed it in those directions, (for me it can also easily go to blame). I have to funnel my discomfort, when I see it, towards a more productive outcome. And to do this work, I have to keep looking for it.
 
Understanding HOW we listen is important too. ​ One person, when challenged about an action they were initiating, responded with "Well, that is what would make me feel good".  That is not listening, that is cementing ​one’s​ own agenda. It’s true that sometimes the action fits and is right, but it is not a sustainable strategy if one is seeking truth, it is more like playing the odds- sometimes you will hit it but mostly not.  A friend of mine who is a POC in LA wrote that her boss, who is white, told her to take the time she needed to grieve.  She said it was unexpected and exactly what she needed, and she let him know she respected this immensely and how much it meant to her.  I do not think she even knew that is what she needed- but somehow, he did. That is listening. Self-study should both precede and proceed action. We will always make mistakes.  Self-study helps us to integrate those mistakes and ​gives us a broader​ understanding of how ​the way we​ think ​fits us​ into the picture​ we want to see​. Sometimes we are right on, sometimes we are far off. Maybe that boss in LA didn't know if what he was about to say was the right thing- but he went forth with it and listened ​for her​ response.  ​If​ we ​make a mistake and ​were wrong about an action, and we get called out, we engage in Tapasia again, because it is hard and uncomfortable to be told you were wrong.  Tapasia implies heat and, being wrong and admitting ​it​ without getting defensive can cause a lot of heat.  There is no progression if you can't sit in that place. About 15 years ago, I unintentionally injured someone who meant a great deal to me.  Just because it was unintentional doesn’t mean it wasn’t wrong. (I think that is very important to highlight).  This was a tremendous time of growth for me as the wrong-doing was not completely clear to me.  I tried to apologize, but I couldn’t really because I didn’t get the ​full i​​implications​ of my action​.  But I really wanted it to be over. ​(I think we are seeing this with some of the statements company’s are coming out with in the past few weeks, many of which sound meaningless).​ So I tried over and over again to apologize in all different ways, and over and over again my apology was ignored.  It took about ​a full year of me asking myself for clarity ​and being coached towards the truth by a friend, (who I begged to tell me what to do and she refused, saying I needed to see it myself or I wouldn’t understand it, and it would have no meaning to the injured person). I began to understand that it was not up to the ​person I wronged to explain it to me, to try to make me feel better about it, etc. I​ began to ​understand this burden I was putting on the injured person was not helping the situation at all, it was only causing more injury. The task was fully up to me to reconcile in myself first and then impart my understanding to the person I injured.  I remember​, after about a year, a huge wave of surrender ​to my ignorance ​came over me, I can't really describe it other than that, and then it was done. Surrender was first, understanding came, and then reconciliation followed.
 
Surrender (Ishvara Pranidhana) can mean so many different things (like above)- but what is should not mean is surrender to ignorance or apathy.  It is not the surrender that comes from us thinking "Well what can I do anyway? Things have been like this for so long, I am not in power.... “ etc.   What are the things that keep us in ignorance?  That is what we are trying to get to, and​ that is what we want to ​ surrender.  We see in the fight for racial equality many people don't want to surrender their power and their place in the world to make room at the table for others.  In order to give power to others we fear we will lose something.  Most likely that is dominance​,​ which is often misunderstood as power.  There is a lot of fear in letting go of dominance, after all fear is inherent in dominance​-​ fear gives birth to dominance.  ​When we are truly in power (empowered), ​we can surrender because we don't know and want to know- we can surrender because we care and we don't know how to show it, we can surrender to the possibility and experience of heartbreak, because we want to act from our heart, not our fear.​
 
I am sure by now you have been flooded with resources on where to give money, where you can get a list of actions to take, who is holding peaceful protests in the area.  (If you have not, I would suggest starting with the Black Lives Matter website. It has day by day actions you can take and many other resources if you are interested in educating yourself more about racism and how to be a part of the solution).  I am grateful that I am being mentored by a great group of spiritual seekers who have been doing this work for decades, and they are sharing a lot of sources that I feel comfortable trusting. I hope my sharing this writing opens up some conversation with those of you who are reading.  If you want me to share some of the resources I have been learning from please feel free to contact me, also with any thoughts you have and anything you would like to share. 

Let us move into this journey together, with our eyes wide open and our hearts ready to be broken.

A lot of how we used to operate in the world is now quite different. Some things we miss dearly and some things are improvements.  There are many people whose lives have changed very dramatically and who have had to endure, or will be facing, a huge amount of suffering. Whether you read the news or not, we all know this to be the case. There is no doubt that our world is in the midst of a huge shift, and if we are part of the population that is fortunate enough to still have the resources to cover our basic needs, and if we are paying attention, we might be able to shift along with it without the resistances that arises from thoughts that might start out with:

• But its not the way it usually is...
• I wan't it to be like it was before...
• But I just can't...
• I am not sure how...
• What happened to...
• Remember when...

When one of these phrases start your sentence, pause and see if what you are about to think/say/do is of value to what is actually going on in front of you, in your head, or to the person you are about to say it to. 

We absolutely can adapt to what the challenges are that life gives us. Adaptation is not just for  the hero you may read about, like the 15 year old girl who rode her migrant-worker injured father on the back of her bicycle 700 kilometres to bring him back to the safety net of his village, or the front line workers who are working hours upon hours a day, or the people organizing food for people who have no access, the school teachers who are working many many more hours per day as they navigate this new way of education, and on and on.... 

There are so many ways we can BE in the world differently, and some of that recognition for you might be to look at what rituals or habits have changed in your day.  The picture above was taken during a week-old new ritual of a 1/2 mile walk in the woods to a creek where I sit to do my morning practice. This is a definite improvement over where I usually do my practice. Being out in nature offers different energy, but so does being out in public. Plus one, minus one.  But regardless of what the score card reads, I am grateful for this new opportunity to "see" my practice from a different view point.  Has it changed my outlook? Hard to say so soon in the game, especially as so much other stuff has changed. This new ritual has given my walking partner a regular practice, which he didn't have before. I am participating in his shift by shifting myself to a shorter practice time and to unfamiliar chit chat before and after my practice which is not what I am used- usually I just step into the shower, which I enjoy immensely. However, I am happy to be a part of a shift, regardless of what the score card reads.

I am very curious to hear what has changed for you. Especially your asana practice (since that is what has brought many of us together) now that you are at home.  What new things have you found out about your body, What new rituals have you found?  What are the ways you are staying in contact with the suffering this pandemic has caused and how has it changed you? Please share your thoughts, either on the blog page, on Facebook, or in an email to me.

I look forward to connecting with you on these shifts!
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One of the many benefits we get from a yoga practice is an increased sense of well being. Whether we wanted that to happen, or expected it, it will happen. Whether we are flexible or not, can do a headstand or not, feel spiritually inclined or disinterested in that aspect of yoga, you are more likely going have better sense of well-being after a class than you did before.  Those of you who were practicing with me when Yoga Loka was over the laundromat may remember leaving class, walking through the Sunday morning laundry crowd and having someone look at you and say "I'll have what you just had".  Feeling good is obvious to others, even if you don't realize it at first yourself.  

There is a physiological reason for this and it lies just below the skin.  The fascia, that lovely slippery, hopefully pliable, tissue that is everywhere that you can not see, is embedded with interoceptive nerve endings.  These nerve endings are stimulated through touch (massage, a hug, etc) and also the movements that occur during a yoga class.  When we move our limbs we are activating these nerve endings, especially as we twist, pull, stretch, bind, wrap our legs around each other- this is all moving the fascia (and the lymph- good for your immune system) and making these interoceptors light up.  These nerves then stimulate a section of your brain that has been linked to a persons sense of safety, contentment and presence.  This is also why hugs feel so good. The wiring is built in for this to happen. We just need to start the process.

At a time when there is limited contact with other beings we may be finding that we really are missing the hello/goodbye hugs, the handshakes and the casual contact that we used to have on a daily basis. And we might be suffering from this lack by not having the stimulation of interoception as much as the pandemic, the economic situation and unknown future. Moving your body more can take the edge off and leave you with a sense of contentment that the yogis call Santosha.  And this Santosha from one hour of mindful movement can last you a while.  Each person of course is different, maye you need a full 1 1/2 hours many times a week.  Schedule in that movement each week so the work of the hugs can continue.

​When someone starts to get serious about doing sadhana (spiritual practice) in yoga they will usually be guided by their mentor or teacher to do the practice for 40 days. Why 40 days?  I don't really know. But this duration must holds some importance- Lent is 40 days, Moses led his people through the desert for 40 days, Noah traveled in his Ark for 40 days and 40 nights. (Ramadan is 30 nights, and some tantric traditions suggest 30 days as an appropriate time for sadhana.)

I have done many 40 day practices, and my experience is that around days 25-30 things get really hard. You begin to forget the original intention behind the practice, your determination begins to flag, you get antsy, and you start to internally list the 1000 things you should be doing instead. 

We are now 36 days post studio closing.  I don't remember the actual date that the NJ Governor Phil Murphy decreed all non-essential businesses need to close, as our household essentially started our confinement on the 16th, the day the studio closed the physical location.  That was my husbands first day of working from home, my kids were on their already isolated spring break, and I turned my attention to shifting everything online. So now there are 4 days left to complete my family's 40 day practice of confinement, and most of you are not far behind, if not ahead. 

In retrospect, last week, the 30ish day of the practice, we started to sag here. My daughter spent a few very sad days and just wanted to stay in bed, I didn't think I could face teaching another class in front of a camera, my husband was about to melt down from the stress at work. I heard from other people that they were similarly uncomfortable or despondent. 

By the end of the week, I found things shifting again.  And we are still here, getting more comfortable in the not-so-new-anymore rhythm, and expanding our ability to align ourselves in the way the world is now. It was then I recognized the progression of a 40 day practice.  The thing about taking on a 40 day practice in the yoga world is you know once the 40 days is over, so is the practice.  However, for those of us who are "lifers" when it comes to doing sadhana, there is always another 40 day practice to take on.  And sometimes one finds 40 days was not enough, and the practice gets extended to 120, 180 or 360 days.  After a few practices under your belt, you begin to realize that the first 40 days of a practice is just the introduction- sometimes it takes the first 40 days just to understand how to organize your life and family around your  sadhana commitment (or visa versa). Then, when you see it CAN be done in that first 40 days, and HOW to do it, the next 40,120, 360 days of practice is when the real internal work happens.

I was listening to an old lecture by Parvathi the other day and she said something so amazing about patience which I will try to paraphrase, although I am sure I won't do it justice- Patience is not when we are sitting and waiting for something to be over (I think we can call that tolerance).  Patience is staying present while knowing you don't know when, or if, or how, it (whatever it is) will end. What you do know is that you can not do anything to speed the process along. 

So our sadhana of patience continues on, and all of us are in the practice together this time.  If you feel like you are failing, don't despair, this is a known characteristic of all sadhana.  The one thing we can know, as happens with all dedicated sadhana, is that we will emerge from this changed.  And as sadhana is designed to increase consciousness, we can know that our change is evolving us and the collective consciousness. We will all understand the change in ourselves and the world differently as everyone's practice is unique to them. I am confident that we can recognize an acceleration in consciousness if we choose to look for it. Like tantric sadhana, it may not be apparent at first, but it is there.  Anyway that is what I am going to look for as this practice evolves in comprehension, integration and  duration. I hope you will join me in that outlook. 

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I hope this email finds you healthy and active, and eating well, staying connected, staying calm and well rested. I know you have heard it before, these are all important things to do while we continue social distancing and monitoring the state of the world in whatever way you have chosen to. 

In this newsletter I have included some articles that you might be interested in reading, so please scroll down for the links.  

I have also included some notice for upcoming online workshops that I hope will support your emotional and physical health in the weeks to come. The workshop that is ready for registration has a live button that will take you to the registration. You will see a few different options the cost of the workshops, please pay what you are able to comfortably afford. I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to serve the community by offering these practices that have sustained mankind for generations.  Those of us who have received such teachings are obligated (with the blessings of our teachers) to make them available to those who want to learn them and who will practice them. 

Because you will see varying price points in the workshops, (and for drop-in classes) I thought this would be a good time to introduce the concept of Guru Dakshina. This is the exchange made between the person giving a teaching and the person receiving the teaching. We readily understand the exchange when we buy something that has a price tag on it- we pay and then we have the object. We also understand the exchange when someone offers a simple greeting- if they say hello, we usually say something back.  These exchanges maintain an appropriate energetic flow and a harmony between the people involved in the interaction, and it upholds the integrity of what has been given. I have never shoplifted anything, but I can imagine if I did, I probably could not enjoy the object that I had taken, as the exchange was inappropriate. 

Similarly there is an exchange required when someone offers something like a teaching or a practice. The greatest return is to do the practice with regularity, dedication and devotion!  Whether it is an asana sequence to help strengthen your knees, or a mantra that can help with healing and boosting the immune system. In modern societies we put a monetary cost to the exchange because that is how we best understand transactions, and that is how most societies are run. Sometimes people may not think they got what they paid for because they haven't invested in the practices, or teachings, by working with them, or they believe that since they paid for a teaching they can co-opt the information they received without doing the practice consistently.  This way of thinking degrades the energy of what was given, so it does actually lose it's value. If we were asked to offer for the exchange what we considered as our most precious thing, it might actually be the same for all of us. It is what we value the most and never have enough of- time. Patience, practice and the recognition of value all require an appropriate amount of time invested. 

People who offer free workshops and classes often find that attendance and or follow through is poor- many people may make a commitment and don't show up, or they don't make the investment of time that is required to understand what they have received.  And just as often people may skip a class or workshop because its cost is beyond their means, or beyond what they consider to be the value of the offering.  And that consideration of value is important, and is probably why many people stay away from free offerings- they may perceive there is no value to it if the producer has offered it at no charge.  

It is because of the perception of value that I wanted to write about this today.  I think it is vital that as many people as possible practice yoga, or something like yoga, right now.  I am more than confident that this will make a difference as to how we emerge from this health and economic crises. Many yoga studios are offering classes for free or by donation. Many are asking for donations to help pay their bills. If you are out of work, and want to practice yoga, now is the time to do it, and fortunately several yoga studios and centers are making it possible to do just that. All you have to do is just find the place you are comfortable with give it the time and diligence the offering deserves. Don't be shy about taking a class that you are not paying for (or paying full price for), your exchange will be the attention that you give it. 

Teachers who have been initiated into a lineage have an obligation to teach now. We are put a huge value on our own practice and what we are offering to the communities we serve.  We continue to fulfill the Guru Dakshina to our teachers and our teachers teachers. The people who "practice what they preach" and are engaged in the full spectrum yoga practices recognize them as "life changers", and I wont even try to put words to how valuable that is.

Those who have the means to pay for classes right now can feel confident that whatever studio they are supporting with their attendance and membership is helping that studio get the teachings to the people who want/need them. I want to pass on a beautiful definition of a yogi from my main teacher, Parvathi- "A yogi is a person who gives more than they receive".  How different the world would be if we all adhered to that even 25% of the time! What would our society look like If we could leave a room a better place than we found it?  We would certainly upgrade our own energy level and consciousness, and that no doubt would spill over onto the people who will eventually walk into that room (even if it is not for a long time yet.)  Now that things have slowed down for most of us, we can try this practice.  If you take it on, let me know what happens for you! And please spread the word to your neighbors, friends and family about online classes, especially if they need the discount.  It is time to get everyone practicing.  

If you are like me, the more you understand about the coronavirus, the less stressed you will be. I want to spend my energy educating myself and sending light to where it is needed, to those infected, to those working in health care, and to the communities affected most by the disease - economically and physically. And I want to focus my energy to keep my immune system strong.

To that end, I want to share this information video that I received in my inbox this morning. It describes how the coronavirus works, what it does to your body, and how your body can fight it. The video is about 8 minutes long, so it won't take too much time to watch.

Happily, there are many sources of information and encouragement when it comes to building and maintaining a strong immune system. If you are interested in following an Ayurveda, herbal or homeopathic protocol, I posted some sources below.  

Given the growing concern about the spread of the coronavirus, you will not be surprised to learn that Kashi Ashram and I have decided to cancel the upcoming AYT retreat. We feel it is important to respect people's hesitation to travel at this time, so we will try to reschedule the retreat in the fall. Stay tuned for more information on that. In the meantime, I am offering a one-day Ayurvedic retreat on Saturday, March 28 (see information below) which will cover much of the material that I was going to teach at Kashi.

Based on best practices encouraged by the NJ Department of Health, the US Centers for Disease Control and other experts, we are instituting some changes at Yoga Loka as well.

• As you have heard, frequent and thorough hand-washing is considered key, and you will find reminders of that in the bathroom, along with paper towels (rather than cloth) with which to dry your hands.
• Consider bringing your own blanket to class. Many of you do already.
• We are asking everyone who uses blocks to clean them after class with  anti-bacterial wipes you'll find on those shelves.
• We have also instituted a change to the practice of teachers providing hands-on assistance in class. We have set red poker chips at the front desk for students who are not comfortable being assisted in class at this time. A red poker chip placed at the front of your mat signals to the teacher that you do not want to be touched.
• Finally, for those of you who want to continue your yoga practice but feel uncomfortable coming to the studio, I am making my classes available via Zoom. You can join a live class by installing the Zoom app on your computer or phone and "showing up" on time for class in the comfort of your own home. Those of you who are on monthly auto renew or have an established class block can join any time. "Drop-ins" who pay by class can continue to do so via Zoom as long as there is a credit card on file. Please contact me for further instruction on how to attend.

Practicing yoga is one of the best things you can do to keep stress in check. I hope you will continue to treat yourself well by attending class in the studio - or from home. Keeping yourself healthy is also the best thing you can do to help keep our community healthy. if you need assistance in maintaining (or establishing) a robust yoga practice during the coronavirus outbreak, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Namaste
     ~  Bonnie

Additional resources:

• Ayurvedic protocol
• Homeopathy
• Using Mushrooms and other immune boosting tinctures

​Lakshmi is the bringer of abundance and sweetness.  She helps to remind us of the beauty of all that we have by enlivening the senses and keeping us in the flow of gratitude. With her grace we can recognize and stay true to what we value, which can be a difficult task in this world of chock full of social media, instant shopping and all of the other distractions the world of technology and busy mind brings.

The tantric yogis define love as the unending experience of bliss.  What is bliss?  We could define bliss as experiencing everything we encounter as wonder full, or being full of wonder. When we are full of wonder we are not busy judging, indulging in criticism, or experiencing lack. Isn't this also true when we are experiencing love?  We are full of wonder for that which we are loving!  We experience the object that has inspired love freshly, with all of our senses awake, and we take in all of the details.  We sit in the precious present moment as we interact with that object that is sparking the love in us.  As with many things, it is a razors edge to experience the power of love.  If we desire it too much, we co-opt it by our attachments and craving, if we fear it, we push it away, if we are unsure of ourselves, we get jealous and that leads down the road of mistrust.  What can keep us balanced on that razors edge of love?  Lakshmi of course. That is one of her jobs and delights. 

Let's face it, we all fall to one side or the other of the razors edge when it comes to interacting with love.  We grab too hard, or we don't make a move forward, we push it away, or we miss the opportunity because we were stuck in paralysis.  These things apply not only to human love, but to love of all things- nature, art, literature, non-human animals etc.

One of my favorite songs by Neil Young is "Love is a Rose".  Take a listen to the very beginning of the song, I think he captures the essence of the razors edge in the first 4 lines. When our busy minds co-opt love, we forget how to dance with  the fear may come in which makes us grabby or stingy, or the lack that comes in and makes us arrogant and rigid in our interactions.  We forget the essence, the beauty of the rose, and we forget that we can stay in wonder of its delicate petals and it's heady scent, without needing to grab it. Lakshmi reminds us that to be the observer of this beauty is actually all we need, as we can be showered with bliss by being the witness more so than by being the owner.  And as the observer we might be able to see how much the rose gives without requiring anything in return. Lakshmi does this because she keeps us in harmony with what we value at our essence.  She helps us perfect our dance with fear so we can sit by the beautiful rose, and simply be with it. She does this because she wants us to be close to what we value, what we adore, and what brings us closer to our true nature. 

If you want to know more, join me on the 15th for the Lakshmi Sadhana.  It is true, all you have to do is ask Lakshmi and she will show you these things, but you do have to know how to ask. She is a bit more particular than some of the other deities- after all what she gives is the pure wealth of awareness, and if you value that, you will value knowing her.